B&D

Bondage and Discipline. A subgroup within D&S which is largely involved in making the submissive physically helpless and applying stimuli which outside of a scene would be painful. See Bondage. See Discipline.

Safe, Sane and Consensual (or Safe, Sane, and Mutually Consensual)

the fundamental ethical standard of kinky sex. It means that all activity between adults should be "safe" (no form of pain or stimulation that causes harm), "sane" (with respect for both body and mind), and consensual (all partners involved are adults who are able to give informed consent). First formulated by David Stein, for GMSMA

Master, Mistress

see Dom, Domme - mostly used in terms of Ownership

Whip

Usually made of leather with a medium size handle and long braided leather strings.

Strapple

An elongated paddle with a bit more flex so that is something intermediate between a strap and a paddle.

Power exchange

The consensual transfer of power by the submissive to the Dominant. The exchange takes place when the returned energy from the Dominant empowers the submissive

Ball Gag

Toy used in BDSM play to prevent a sub from speaking. Mouth pieces are usually made from a rubber ball that is jammed between a submissive teeth and secure in place by a strap or a little string. Could be made of plastic or leather too.

Bondage

A group of techniques for rendering a submissive physically helpless

Community

A blanket term used to refer to the organized SM/fetish communities, including the thousands of leather clubs, SM venues (bars and play-spaces), educational outreach groups, social clubs, support groups, and all other organizations which openly celebrate SM/fetish sex. The Community does not include everyone who is interested in kink but is limited to those who actively seek out and maintain close social contact with other kinky people through groups and organizations.

Pain Slut

a heavy masochist (male or female)

Four packages lay on the floor

Four packages lay on the floor

all are wrapped with love

she reaches low to place the first

in the lap of the one she adores

opened as quickly as He had won it

Suspension

A set of techniques for suspending a submissive using ropes, webbing or chain so that no part of the body touches the floor. This is a highly specialized technique and great care must be used to prevent damage.

Bottom

person who receives pain or bondage in an SM scene, but who may or may not have a power relationship with the top. Also used as a verb ("to bottom").

Verbal Abuse

Also known as "VA," this refers to the cruel or mocking insults and threats that a sadistic Top will shower on an emotionally masochistic bottom to push him or her further into sub-space. It is the linguistic and emotional (as opposed to physical) version of pain-play.

Leather Culture

The united societies of men and women (largely gay and lesbian, but increasingly open to bisexuals and heterosexuals) who embrace the traditions, ethics and pride of open involvement in the leather Scene. This may include (and isn't limited to)

active participation in leather society and politics, the wearing of black leather, formation of leather "families".

If i ever choose to become a slave,

If i ever choose to become a slave,

Will i ever find a Master i can love

and who will love me in return?

If i were to walk away now,

Could i ever forget who and what i am ?

Without a shadow of a doubt i never will

Switch (Switchable)

A person who enjoys both the dominant and submissive roles. A switch may be dominant to one person and submissive with another or may be dominant or submissive with the same person at different times.

The Gift and the Giver, the Rebel, the Thief, and the...

The Gift and the Giver, the Rebel, the Thief, and the Stranger and his Glue

The Giver was alone, and the Gift unused:

the Giver felt lonely, and sought to find someone worthy of the Gift.

The Rebel came along and saw the Gift the Giver possessed, and desired the Gift for himself.

Rather than ask the Giver for the Gift, or ask what the Giver wanted for the Gift, the Rebel decided that social rules did not apply to him, and simply said "Give me the gift."

The Giver knew that the Gift was fragile and would be destroyed if mistreated, and did not trust the Rebel; for how many of those who are impolite are also delicate?

But the Giver did not wish to offend, and so said to the Rebel "I am sorry, but this Gift is for someone else."

The Rebel grew angry and blustered "But I deserve the Gift. I am special and I deserve that things be given to me."

The Giver, glad to have trusted her first instinct, merely repeated: "I am sorry, but this Gift is for someone else."

And the Rebel, still complaining, went his way.

The Giver sat under a willow tree, contemplating the Gift and wondering about the qualities needed to really appreciate the Gift;

as she was sitting there the sun and the breeze and the sound of the creek below lulled her into a doze.

The Thief, who had overheard the Rebel and the Giver, was waiting for just this moment.

Dashing out from behind a nearby bush, he made a grab for the Gift; grasping it he started to run away.

However, the Giver was awakened by this and reached out to stop the Thief. "Give that back!" cried the Giver. "It is not yours! You have no right!"

So saying, she reached out, trying to retrieve the Gift. The Thief said "I do not care if it was not mine, I have possession of it so it is now my property."

And so saying, he pulled again at the Gift, hoping to wrench it from the Giver.

In the ensuing struggle, the Gift was fouled, battered, and broken.

The Thief, deciding he did not want a damaged Gift, finally let go and said "You keep it; it is now worthless."

The Giver cried at the state of the Gift, which she had hoped to find someone worthy of;

it was dirty, pieces were missing and scattered in the grass around her, and the intact parts were bent and dented.

She began to believe the Thief's assessment of the Gift:

perhaps it no longer mattered who it belonged to, worthless as it was.

But then she noticed that her tears made clean streaks on the Gift as they fell, and she thought that perhaps if some of it could be cleaned, all of it could; perhaps she could make her Gift have worth once again.

She took the Gift and its broken pieces to the creek, where she began to wash them.

The Gift was easy to clean, but in trying to wash the pieces that had been broken from it, the Giver lost one.

She began to lose hope again. Yet she was still determined to try to repair the Gift.

Hours passed as she fit pieces back together where they would stay.

Some pieces she could not make stay, however.

From behind her, a voice: "Perhaps this Glue could help you mend your Gift".

She turned to see a Stranger, holding a small tube of Glue.

She took the Glue and thanked the Stranger, then finished repairing her Gift with the Stranger's Glue.

When she turned to give the Glue back to the Stranger, he was gone.

She thought to herself that this Stranger had thought her Gift worthy enough to donate his Glue, and not even demand payment, nor even ask for the Glue to be returned.

Perhaps her Gift had worth after all.

And as she sat and contemplated her Gift, she realized that the Stranger was the type of person who would neither ask nor demand a Gift, nor would he take, but rather he would give.

And she thought to herself that the Stranger was a Giver too.

And who better to appreciate a Gift but a Giver?

So she sought out the Stranger, and when she found him, she tried to return the Glue to him.

He thanked her, but said that she should keep the Glue, in case the Gift should break again.

And the Giver said "In that case, you should accept the Glue, for I wish to give the Gift to you."

And so saying, she placed the Gift in the Stranger's hands.

The Stranger looked at the Gift, and said "This is too precious; I do not know if I can take care of this Gift."

The Giver said "I believe that you can, and I will stay with you and help you care for the Gift when you falter."

So the Stranger and the Giver took the Gift together, sharing in it and sharing it, and held it as an example for all to see.

Sadist

An individual who enjoys causing pain in a nonconsensual manner or regardless of the presence of absence of consent. Derives from the writings of the Marquis de Sade. See S&M.

V/L or V/T

Virtual life or virtual time Often used to describe online life in opposite to r/l (real life)

Waxing, Wax Play

A technique where the Dominant brings hot wax on the submissive's skin

BDSM

(1) Umbrella term for activities of B&D, D&S, S&M (2) Boston Dungeon Society Member

I need to feel

I need to feel

Your touch ...

Your passion ...

Your wants ...

Your desires ...

Your mind and thoughts ...

Your sense of fun ...

Your need ...

Your dominance ...

Your love ................ excites me

Panic snap

A linking device used with cable and chain that allows two lengths to be disconnected even when there is tension in the system. A safety device.

Slave

A person who gives the control to another person (Dom/me, Top) Sometimes used the same way as the term sub, some ppl distinguish a sub from a slave by pointing out that a slave doesn't have the possibility to chose her/his destiny.

Collar

Term used in the BDSM to say that someone is "collared" to a dominant (means that the person wearing the collar belongs or Owned to a Dominant).

Bottom

A submissive.

Dom, Domme

A Dominant Male or female person - the person in charge/control (also referred to as a Top)

Masochism

The ability to derive pleasure from pain

Slave

Often used interchangeably with submissive. However, generally reflecting a more intense level of submission or non-sexual or sexual-plus submission. For example, a slave might be someone who remains in a 24-hour-per-day submission and cooks, cleans and, otherwise, takes care of a dominant's house. See submissive

Spreader Bar

A bar of any kind of material (usually wood or metal) used to keep two body part (legs or wrist) away from each other. Used in bondage play.

CBT

Cock and Ball Torture - Intense stimulation of the male sex by bondage, needles or clamps

Head-play

Also known as "mind-play, mind games, head games, head trips, and mind-fucking." This means any kind of manipulation by the top which heightens anticipation and fear in an emotionally masochistic bottom and thus intensifies the bottom's erotic response. This includes everything from "verbal abuse" to complex scenarios that confuse or surprise the bottom into deeper "sub-space." A "mind-fuck" (deliberately misleading a partner into believing something horrible is about to happen).

She kneels before her Master's feet

She kneels before her Master's feet

and looks into His eyes

searching for the truth she needs

as she vows to Him her life

Percussion play

An umbrella term used to describe all forms of striking. Spanking, paddling, slapping, whipping, flogging and caning are all types of percussion play.

Bullwhip

A long, heavy leather whip

The submissives' prayer

The submissives' prayer

Allow me the strength to answer questions i cannot fathom

Allow me the spirit to know Your needs

Allow me the serenity to serve You in peace

Allow me the love to give myself to You

Allow me the tenderness to comfort You

Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to You

Let me show every day my love of my service to You

Let me open myself to completely belong to You

Let me take my punishment with the grace of a woman

Let me love myself by loving You

Let me learn to please You, beyond myself

Grant me the power to give myself to You

Give me the strength to please us both

Allow me the peace of serving You

For it is my greatest gift,

my highest pleasure to make Your life...

Immobilization

Using rope or other bondage tools to render a submissive relatively helpless despite his or her struggles. See Decorative binding.

Toilet slave

Someone who has a fetish for serving the Dominant's toilet habits or who has a fetish for being ordered to clean or worship toilets. May also refer to someone who wishes to roleplay as a toilet.

Panty training

This is when a Dominant "forces" a male submissive to wear panties and other embarrassing bits of feminine lingerie, both to cross-dress and humiliate him.

Scene (A)

An individual session of whatever duration where the participants are in their D&S roles. Example: "It was a tremendously hot scene last night when Master Jim waxed Lisa at The Vault."

Body service

when a submissive takes care of all the dominant's bodily needs, acting as a trained servant in bathing, shaving, hair-styling, manicures, pedicures, and other hygiene and grooming rituals.

Slow word

A signal by the submissive that things are getting too intense and you should change or decrease the stimulation. See Safe word. See Go word.

Forced Feminization

this is when a Dominatrix (or sometimes a Male Dominant) "forces" a submissive man into feminine clothes.

Endorphin

Hormone secreted by the body, when experiencing pain. The body's natural painkiller. Creates a euphoria effect on the person receiving the pain. It permits that person to receive more pain because endorphin has analgesic effect. When a person is under the influence of endorphins, usually it is said that he or she is in "subspace".

Slave contract

A document written cooperatively by the Dominant and the submissive in which the negotiated terms of their relationship are set out in clear language.

Contracts are usually term-limited

3 months, 6 months, a year. Some couples sign permanent contracts, vowing a lifetime commitment.

Lifestyle

when used with "the," it usually refers to "the leather lifestyle," meaning people who embrace all aspects of leather culture in their dress, their sexual politics, their social commitments, their traditions, and their sex lives. "Being in the lifestyle" is not the same as "being a lifestyler," because someone "in the lifestyle" or "in the life" could be single or otherwise uninvolved in a full-time SM relationship.

Animal Training

fantasy play in which one partner is an animal trainer and the other is the animal. Ponyplay and dogplay are the two most popular forms this takes. Fantasies including obedience training, exercise training, paper-training (in dogplay), harnessing and riding (in ponyplay), and so on.

CBT

Cock and ball torture.

Bondage

A group of techniques for rendering a submissive physically helpless. These include rope ties, handcuffs and manacles, wrapping and mummification. See B&D. See Mummification. See Decorative binding. See Immobilization.

Decorative binding

Using rope or cord to compress or tie a portion of the body where struggle will not cause it to tighten or cut into the submissive. See Immobilization.

Trainer

A trainer is one who teaches the sub/slave new tricks - don't mix this up with the term Master/Mistress

Spanking

The application of stimuli with canes, whips, paddles, crops or even the bare hand which, outside of a scene, would be considered painful.

Pushing Limits

By consent, submissives agree to let the Dominant push him or her to a limit and slightly beyond. Most commonly this occurs when the submissive believes his limits stem from an irrational fear that he hopes the Dominant will help him to overcome.

Limits

The basic set of physical or other limits that the bottom sets during negotiation. For example, if a bottom does not like anything more painful than erotic spanking, she may set a pain "limit" that rules out whippings and other intense stimuli. (See chapter on submissives.) Dominants too have limits on how far they wish to go with a submissive.

Contract

A written agreement about the rights and duties of the D/s partners. Those contracts do not have any meaning in terms of law, but they are often used to define the relationship.

Ponygirl

A submissive trained to act like a pony

Transsexual

Also known as TS. Someone who believes s/he was born in the wrong-sex body, and often seeks to make physical changes . It is estimated the one out of every 30,000 men and one out of every 100,000 women are transsexual. A "pre-op transsexual" is someone who has taken some steps towards change--hormone therapy, breast implants (for male-to-female) or removal (for female-to-male), electrolysis, plastic surgery--but has not yet had "sexual reassignment surgery" (the medical procedures which alter genitalia). A "post-op transsexual" is someone who has completed the process by undergoing surgery to change her or his sex and, from then on, lives as a full-fledged member of the opposite sex. Some transsexuals do not want sexual reassignment surgery and instead opt to live as hermaphrodites, with the secondary characteristics of both sexes. The slang--but not necessarily flattering--terms for male-to-female hermaphrodites are "chicks with dicks" and "she-males."

Paddle

A flat instrument used for spanking purposes - mostly made of leather or wood - sometimes with airholes for a better effect.

Who and what i am is now a clear reality

Who and what i am is now a clear reality

Should i strive to deny my own reality?

That is no longer possible .

i can choose to deny other's realities

But i can never again deny my own

Before You came into my life,

Before You came into my life,

There was a gray shadow in my head

Of what and whom i might be

Now the shadow is gone

In it's place a clear picture stands

It will be there forever,

only death can take it now

Bear

a hairy, often large-sized, and typically cigar-smoking man.

S&M

Sadism and Masochism; A term often used to describe the D&S scene; however, it is falling into disrepute because it is both inaccurate (Dominants are not sadists.) and overly limited (All submissives are not masochists.). See Sadism. See Masochism.

Scat

Also known as scat-play, refers to excrement. Poop, to put it more plainly. This may include enemas, brown showers, watching or being watched while expelling, being ordered to soil one's pants (or ordering someone), and to eat feces. You can't eat poop without putting yourself at risk of disease. Human feces, is infested with bacteria. Bacteria is what breaks food down and turns it into waste in our alimentary canals. Those bacteria remain alive in our waste after our bodies eliminate it. A bacterial infection transmitted by ingesting feces can be fatal. There is no absolute way to protect yourself against getting one.

Bi-Kinky

someone who is heterosexual when it comes to penetration, but who will do SM with same-sex partners

Then surely, to live my reality

Then surely, to live my reality

Must be the road to take,

And yet...............

If i choose to live my reality,

Will You lead me safely?

My understanding of O/our relationship to one another

Is that i have only the right to ask for my safety

Either with You as my Master

Or with whoever You ultimately dispose me to

Rrespecting Limits

A fundamental ethic among kinky people is to treat limits as a sacred trust, and never to violate the submissive's trust by non-consensually exceeding their limits.

Daddy

Anyone who assumes a paternal/mentoring role with a submissive or bottom and, in that role, expresses a masculine identity.

Body worship

oral service (including licking, sucking and kissing) by a submissive to the dominant Implies no taboos or inhibitions about oral contact with any and all body parts.

Transvestite

also known as TV or cross-dresser, and sometimes abbreviated to "X-dresser" in writing. Someone (usually male), who finds emotional and/or erotic gratification wearing opposite- sex clothing. Many, but not all, transvestites are aroused by the clothes and shoes themselves. It is estimated that roughly 2-3% of all men cross-dress. The vast majority of transvestites are heterosexual males. "Drag queens" are gay men who cross- dress to seduce other men and "female impersonators" are cabaret performers. With rare exceptions, neither drag queens nor female impersonators are aroused by the clothes themselves.

R/L or R/T

Real life or real time.

lay-partner

Generally refers to anyone with whom one has BDSM encounters but more specifically implies a casual, for-kinky-sex only friendship and not a committed, romantic relationship.

Panic Snap

A linking device used with cable or chain that allows two lengths to be disconnected even when there is tension in the system. A safety device

It would take one tiny step

It would take one tiny step

To place myself, at Your feet

Yet it would be my whole life lying there

If there is any kindness in You

i beg You deal with me kindly

Should i walk this path to You, and face my reality

Top

A dominant.

New Guard

A recent movement in the Scene which embraces many traditional Old Guard standards and updates them with some freer-flowing and more permissive attitudes towards role-playing, lifestyle, and pansexuality which are more responsive to the needs of younger people entering the Scene. Sometimes called Next Guard (to signify the youngest generation of traditional leatherpeople).

Vanilla

Not in the scene. A term used to describe ordinary, conventional life both sexual and otherwise. While it can be used in a pejorative sense, it is more often used to distinguish between scene and non-scene activities and people. Example: "I have to be careful in my vanilla life that people don't find out that I'm a dominant."

Scat

A slang term for scatophilia, taking pleasure in playing with and sometimes eating feces. While this is occasionally used as a means of humiliation, it presents a relatively severe health risk, not limited to AIDS and hepatitis.

Leather Family

A surrogate, adults-only family comprised of lovers, friends, and sometimes mentors who share compatible sexual interests and socio-political goals. Leather families share deep, binding, and sometimes spiritual commitments to one another based on their joint devotion to all things leather. The famous phrase cited by lesbian SM activist and scholar, Gayle Rubin, sums it up best

"leather is thicker than blood."

Fisting

Penetration of the vagina or anus using the fist/hand.

Bestiality

Sexual contact between humans and animals.

Crop

Riding Crop used for spanking techniques

Cane

Usually a 15-45 inch long stick used for spanking techniques

Flogger

A multi strap/string whip, straps/strings are usually up to 20 inch long and made of leather or rubber

Edgeplay

These are particularly dangerous D&S that are looked upon with some trepidation. Because there is no formal 'ruling body' in D&S, what is called edgeplay is up to the individual. Therefore, something that to one person might be considered edgeplay might not be edgeplay to another.

Safe word

A word or phrase which permits the submissive to withdraw consent and terminate the scene at any point without endangering the illusion that the dominant is in complete control. See Slow word. See Go word.

You invoke from me every emotion possible ...

You invoke from me every emotion possible ...

Take me ... make me Yours ....

Feel what I feel ...

how I become part of You when I touch my body

which is no longer mine but Yours ...

French Maid

Fantasy role-play in which the submissive (male or female) is dressed in a "french maid's uniform" and serves food, drinks, and so on. The uniform usually comprises a very short, one piece dress, often made of fetish material; a frilled petticoat; a frilly apron; stockings and high-heels; and other frou-frou (such as a lacy headpiece, lace wrist-cuffs, and white gloves).

Blood Sports

A group of techniques in which the sub's skin is cut

Violet Wand

An electric device usually in form of a glass cylinder which uses the effect of high frequent electric charges generated by a tesla device to apply intense stimulation.

I lay here ... completely naked ... and

I lay here ... completely naked ... and

as I come to You to give You all that I can possibly give You ...

As a symbol of my heart, my soul and my mind ...

I give You my body ...

I tingle at the thought of You ...

Touch me **Please** touch me ... make me feel...!!!

Kajira

This fictional term for "slavegirl" derives from the GOR series, and denotes women who attempt to live by the standard set in the books

Vanilla

Often used for plain standard sex - non BDsM sex

Cyber

Refer to type of play or relationship which is "online" or only through the use of internet. (Some people refer to the usage of phone as "online" too).

Switch

A person who switches roles between submissive and Dominant. Not true to either roles.

SAM

Smart Arsed Masochist. A pseudo submissive who attempts to control everything the dominant does. A term of contempt. Example: "She's cute and willing, but she's a real SAM; you will spend most of your time trying to keep her from telling you which whip to use and how to swing it." See 'Topping From the Bottom.'

Room Slut

Constantly Throws Themselves At AnyOne In The ChatRoom With "Master Or Sir" In Their Bio. These Are Wanna-be submissives With No Moral Decency.

Pushy (or Greedy) Sub

Usually used playfully in reference to a submissive who likes a lot of play, and will act naughty to get the Dominant to take action. It can also be used to refer to submissives who push so hard that they turn dominants off.

Submissive

An individual who gives up power in a D&S relationship for the mutual pleasure of those involved.

The Sundering

The Sundering

In the moment in which I place my collar around the neck of a naked kneeling woman, she becomes a new creation She has become property, the possession of the Master standing before her. She has no name, no possessions of her own. Everything she is, her body, her mind, and her feelings, are now packaged in the naked gift kneeling before me, knees widely apart open to my gaze and to my touch. Her past belongs to someone else, a free woman. The slave is a new person. Her life begins now. She carries no shame, no responsibility, no baggage from her past. The free woman who had made those things a part of her life is no more. A new slave is like a butterfly newly emerged from the cocoon that brought her to this moment of her collaring and her new life. A slave has no right of privacy. Her body is the property of her master. He may allow her clothing, or not, as he wishes. He may use her body as he wishes. Her mind is the property of her master. He will require her to be open with her thoughts, and always fully honest with him. She will be expected to share her thoughts, her concerns, her memories, her humor, pleasure and displeasure...Thoes are part of what he owns, the gift he has collared for himself. Her emotions are the property of the master. He will feel her feelings and share in her joys and sorrows, he will take pleasure in her femininities, He will be made to feel more alive in the sharing of his slave's emotions. The slave, all of her, belongs to the master. She is his most valued possession. There is nothing to compare to the gift of a woman's self. A slave is free. She is not allowed to hide. She is not allowed to be false. She is not allowed to protect herself from being known. She is not allowed to wear a mask. She can only be herself, naked, vulnerable, helpless. Her master is her protection, and he will not allow her to be other than her true self. Under his protection, she is safe to be herself. She is only a slave. There is no shame in the helplessness of her body's responses when she is touched, or taken. She is a slave and is not allowed to hold back. She is not allowed to be anything but her true self, the person that existed in the womb with all the potentials to be anything, before experiences limited her. The slave is new, and free, and full of potential to explore her new world as herself, free in the keeping of her master to explore herself, knowing that he is responsible for her care and safe-keeping. I will explore my slave as she explores herself. I will come to know her as she comes to know herself. She is a new person, and will be constantly amazed at how different it is to be a butterfly than a caterpillar. This is the gift my collar holds captive.

Discipline

The application of stimuli which, outside of a scene, would be considered painful. Common discipline techniques are whipping, spanking and strapping. See B&D.

Pain Threshold

The limit at which pain ceases to be pleasure and becomes undesirable for the submissive or bottom.

Old Guard

The nearly mythic, exclusively gay male, loosely organized network of leather clubs (circa 1940s-1950s) which established the rituals and mores of leather culture. Old Guard members took a highly regimented, quasi-militaristic approach to leathersex, and organized a tight, profoundly interconnected community based on solidarity in leather diversity. The Old Guard is frequently seen as a phenomenon of the older generation (men now in their 60s and 70s) and thus considered, in some quarters, as outdated. At the same time, it is held in high reverence by those who stand in awe of the structure that the Old Guard created and passed on. Indeed, the Old Guard was a revolutionary movement. While the Old Guard itself was never a monolithic group but a series of clubs and leather families which instituted individual rules, the Old Guard influence has been profound within the Scene. Many of today's SM traditions derive from the Old Guard, from the superficial (leather dress and types of toys) to the philosophical (standards on what constitutes a moral SM relationship). Some people view Old Guard traditions as the only pure model for leathersex. There are a handful of Old Guard "tribes" around the globe (particularly in the US and Europe). Some have opened their arms to embrace the new, more pansexual SM population into its ranks. Ironically, the trendiness of kinky sex has caused a minor resurgence in interest in Old Guard traditions.

Top

A Dominant Male or female person - the person in charge/control (also Dom, Domme)